Stumbling Towards Efficacy

I decided to start writing a blog and I didn't even do that effectively. Efficacy is a word I learned in teaching grad school. There was some gooey talk about doing a lot of self-reflection in order to determine your efficacy as a teacher. It's the noun for effective and it's a word that has been sticking to me like lint in my psychic bellybutton.

I feel like I need to increase my efficacy of being a fulfilled human being. I am kind of floating in this morass of being "brave enough" to give up my job, buying a house in the 'hood, sticking with my man and wanting to get another dog because we provide a really nice life for a dog and we should be spreading it around. And making a "caribbean-themed" guest bedroom because that's funny. And crap like that.

I'm trying to figure out how best to channel these energies so that I actually come out feeling satisfied instead of spending all that adventure on stuff that just feels like it will being fulfilling. And the whole self-doubt thing is not helping. I'm afraid of putting up a bunch of decorating stuff in order to spend time on that instead of finding a job - and going broke in the process.

I feel pretty determined to find some balance on this one.