Conversations in My Neighborhood #3

(Gardening in my backyard.)

Man Walking Up Alley: Hello

Me: Hi, how are you?

Man: What size pants are you?

Me: I'm sor-ry?

Man: I've got these jeans. They're Jones New York. Real nice. They are a size 16. Is that good for you? I can give them to you for a nice price.

Me: Oh!!! Um, no sorry, that's not my size.

Man: Oh okay. Well, if you know anybody. They're Jones New York.

Conversations in My Neighborhood #2

(Walking my dog down a side street when man approaches from alley.)

Man: Hey

Me: Hi, how are you?

Man: What's your dog's name? What do you call your dog?

Me: Suki

Man: Stupid? You named your dogs Stupid?

Me: Suuuu-kkkeeeeeee

Man: Stuki? I have a cat. I named it Mr. T. Why don't you like cats?

Me: I like them fine. I just like dogs better.

Man: Yeah, like if someone comes up in your house and your dog's like, "ruff, ruff, ruff! bow wow!!!!"

Me: Okay, I'm going this way..... (point in opposite direction)

Conversations in My Neighborhood #1

I'm in the backyard gardening when three, young black males who actually do look slightly tougher than most of the guys cutting through the alley walk by.

Me: Hi, how are you?

Dude: Hello.

(pause)

Dude: You gardening? You do yard work all the time?

Me: Um, no. It's hard work. I try to do it as little as possible.

Dude: Oh yeah?

(I really have no idea why he asked that. Was he trying to find out if this was my profession? If I'm going to be out there a lot in the future? If this is something all white people do? Maybe he was just making conversation because I said "hi" first. He seemed somewhat perplexed about the whole gardening thing and then managed to totally confound me with his curiosity.)

Stumbling Towards Efficacy

I decided to start writing a blog and I didn't even do that effectively. Efficacy is a word I learned in teaching grad school. There was some gooey talk about doing a lot of self-reflection in order to determine your efficacy as a teacher. It's the noun for effective and it's a word that has been sticking to me like lint in my psychic bellybutton.

I feel like I need to increase my efficacy of being a fulfilled human being. I am kind of floating in this morass of being "brave enough" to give up my job, buying a house in the 'hood, sticking with my man and wanting to get another dog because we provide a really nice life for a dog and we should be spreading it around. And making a "caribbean-themed" guest bedroom because that's funny. And crap like that.

I'm trying to figure out how best to channel these energies so that I actually come out feeling satisfied instead of spending all that adventure on stuff that just feels like it will being fulfilling. And the whole self-doubt thing is not helping. I'm afraid of putting up a bunch of decorating stuff in order to spend time on that instead of finding a job - and going broke in the process.

I feel pretty determined to find some balance on this one.